I Have Committed Unforgivable Sins During Some Holy Nights Of Ramadan. What Should I do?


Question : I have done some unforgivable things during some holy nights of Ramadan. These things could take me out of Islam. I have done sincere tawbah. Should I renew my Shahadah at a masjid? Will I be cursed out of this Jamaat?


Allah gives hope even to shaytan. I don’t think you are shaytan. You made mistakes, Allah’s mercy, it is wider than from East to West. Allah swt is saying, ‘O children of Adam, even if you come to Me with your sins as huge as a mountain, as wide as the Oceans, and you ask Me for forgiveness and you don’t make association with Me, you will find Me forgiving.’ Allah’s forgiveness, He is Rahman and He is Rahim.

Allah gives hope even to shaytan, you think Allah  is not going to give hope to you? What is making you not to have hope? Shaytan. Because he does not have hope in himself. Who cursed shaytan? You think Allah cursed shatan? Yes, Quran is saying, maybe. But shaytan is cursing himself. Shaytan is causing things to happen to himself, by himself.

Before shaytan became shaytan, he was Azazil and he was worshipping. Hundreds and thousands of years he was worshipping Allah. And when he read a sign in the Paradises, Allah swt is saying in that sign, ‘there will come a time,’ and this was before mankind was created, when there was nothing but Angels and other creatures that were obedient ones to our Lord, he saw a sign saying, ‘there will be a creature of Allah who is going to disobey Allah.’ Shaytan got upset.

Shaytan got upset and he says, ‘Ya Rabbi, there’s going to be a creature that is going to disobey You?’ He says, ‘give me permission to curse him.’

Allah is saying, ‘you may.’

He fell into Sejdah in the Paradise, he didn’t leave any single spot in Sejdah saying, ‘ya Rabbi, curse that one who is going to be disobedient to You. Curse that one! I curse him and all Angels curse him!’

Hundreds and thousands of years, he’s cursing. He is not understanding he is cursing himself. Because a believer, when he sees something bad outside, he’s not going to say, ‘Alhamdulillah, that’s not me.’ He is going to check, ‘do I have this? Maybe I have this somewhere deep inside of me. Ya Rabbi, please protect me.’

test and trials

At the very least he’s going to say, ‘Ya Rabbi, please don’t test us,’ that’s what we always say, ‘don’t test us with it.’

We don’t even say we don’t have it or we don’t want it. Say, ‘don’t test us,’ because who knows, maybe we are pushed into that situation, we are going to do worse than that. How do you know? Have you been tested? Or like they say in English, ‘don’t tempt faith.’

Shaytan is saying, ‘no, that definitely cannot be me. Curse him.’ Cursing himself. And when Allah swt sent Musa (as), and when Musa (as) went to the mountain of Tur to speak to his Lord, one day he passed by shaytan. Musa (as) says, ‘ what do you want ya ma’lul? What are you doing here?’

Shaytan is saying, ‘Your Lord is not just.’ Hasha Astaghfirullah.

He says, ‘why are you saying that?’

‘because I did mistake, Adam make mistake. But He forgive Adam and He did not forgive me. He told me to do something and I didn’t do. He told Adam not to do something, and he did. But He forgive Adam (as), He did not forgive me. Your Lord is unjust.’

Musa (as) was stuck. He says, ‘he is shaytan but he has a point.’ He went to the mountain of Tur, Allah swt says, ‘ Ya Musa, what is on your mind?’

He says, ‘as You know Ya Rabbi, shaytan said this, and he had a point. He is saying, Adam (as) did something, he did something, both did mistakes, but you forgave Adam (as), you did not forgive him.’

Allah says, “very easy ya Musa, when you go back, when you meet him, say to him, ‘my Lord is most forgiving.’ Say to him, ‘you know where Adam (as) is buried. Go to his grave and make one Sejdah to Adam (as) and all your wrong sins, all your wrong actions, everything will be forgiven and Allah will forgive you. You see how easy it is?’

for the sake of Allah

So what did shaytan say?

Shaytan says, ‘Huh! I did not make Sejdah to him when he was alive, now He wants me to make Sejdah to him, to his dead bones.’ Then he became more shaytan.

We need to look what is the shaytan that is inside of us, that is giving us hopelessness. Because Allah is continuing giving us hope and mercy. What is the egoistic characteristics that is inside of us that is saying, ‘no, don’t believe in the hope of your Lord, in the forgiveness of your Lord.’  Find that. Don’t listen to it. Don’t give it importance. You have a Sheykh, listen to what your sheykh is saying. Trust your sheykh more than your ego. Your ego is saying, ‘oh, I did so much….’ Okay, you did, you did. You did something wrong. I’m not going to sit here to say, ‘never mind, it’s okay, you can do…’ No! you did something wrong, you want to be forgiven, go to Sejdah and ask for forgiveness. Pull yourself out from the company of your ego. And be in the company and in the jamaat of the Salihin. Be in the company and the jama’at of the Awliya Allah. You are going to find Allah most forgiving, most merciful. You are going to find yourself clean.

If you take one step, Allah is saying, ‘I’ll take ten steps.’ ‘You come to Me walking, I’ll come to you running.’ But don’t be sitting there on your behind and expect Allah to come to you. Then later to say, ‘ohh, I don’t have hope.’ Because that is also a trick from the ego!

Ego is not going to rest until the ego destroys you completely, to say your Lord has no hope, there’s nothing. People still say, it’s okay, do this, do this. But you are saying, ‘No, No, I don’t want to, it’s over….’ Okay, you want that, really? Then your ego will not rest until he brings you to the fire too. I don’t think you want that. If you say you want that, then test yourself. Put your hand into the fire, into the stove. Let it stay there for 30 seconds or one minute. You can stand that?

I don’t think you can. Even if you are crazy and you want to do that, your body will pull it back immediately. Even you mind say, ‘I want to put it,’ your body is going to pull it out. So you cannot stand, we cannot stand the fire. Don’t put yourself into the fire.

You made mistakes, you collected the fire, bring yourself out from that fire. Go to taubah. Be in good jamaat. Allah will not kick you out of mercy unless you yourself take yourself out from that mercy. And still if you come out, the door of mercy is still open, just step on your ego, that is still the trick of the ego. Step on your ego and come back. Whoever you are, come, come, come again. Ours is not a Dergah of despair. Even if you are fire worshipper, an idol worshipper, even if you have broken your promises a thousand times, come. There is no other door except this. Maulana Rumi said that, hundreds of years ago and those words apply here in this Dergah. Step on your ego to come.


You know, beyat, Shahadat, everything, renewing, it is not the case of renewing. Don’t renew your Shahadat, don’t renew your beyat, renew your promise, renew your life, renew your actions. That’s more important. InsyaAllah. Because, the answer is not going to come just by saying a few words too, just by holding the hands you are going to feel something. Of course there’s going to be energy, but, after that, it still takes work.

Islam is not magic. Tarikat is not magic, you say, sheykh can just look at you one time and you reach to Sidratul Muntaha. Prophet did not do that. And you think the way to Sidratul Muntaha is so easy? Like you are riding on a Buraq and you are going to go straight up?Prophet rode on a Buraq. At every level, he met shaytan, and he was tested. What makes us think just we are going to hop on a Buraq and go to Sidratul Muntaha?

Nothing but ego. Ego. In the disguise of humbleness, humility, Ego! So many is saying, ‘I’m very humble. I follow humbleness…’ humbleness, humbleness, test their humility a little bit. You touch them a little bit, they become the worst monster. They speak so nice, like this. You say to them, ‘you are a donkey.’ Say to them, whether they are going to like it or not. Or say something true about them. Huh, how you are going to see whether gold is real or not? Just by looking at it?

our sheykh is saying

Everything has to be tested. Ours is association to be tested. We want to be tested. We want to get rid of all the wrong things that we have accumulated. Sometimes, you can use a nice soft cloth to get rid of it. Sheykh Effendi sometimes use the brillo. I’m not just saying it, because I’ve used brillo. When I was in the army, we have to use the brillo. With the brillo, you can shine aluminium, you make it shine like silver using a brillo.

So, so many people, in this world today, needs a brillo. If they come shining with you with a little piece of cloth, say to them, what kind of sheykh are you, just praising me. So, wake up a little bit. Be stronger a little bit. You want to get clean, come here, I’ll wash you up with brillo. You want to have tauba, come here, I’ll wash you up with brillo, then you’ll be okay.

Tauba astaghfirullah. Sheykh Effendi is going to, I’m just a tool. But, you want to stay there, and just feel sorry for yourself, it’s only going to take you so far. Beyond that, it becomes a game again. You have to take action. InsyaAllah. May it be easy for you. SelamAleykum.

Hoja Lokman Effendi Hz, Khalifah of Sheykh Abd Kerim Qibrisi el-Rabbani (qs)

Osmanli Dergahi NY

August 4, 2013

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