How can I have more control over my tongue?


Question: How can I have more control over my tongue?

tongue parable-of-an-evil-tree

What the tongue can do? The tongue can destroy individuals, communities, nations, empires, it can bring down. Because they say, ‘the tongue has no bones.  It can go anywhere it wants.’ And Holy Prophet (asws) is advising us, ‘O my nations,  watch over, control over, these two parts of your body. If you watch over it, I will greet you at the pond of Kawthar and I will lead you into Paradise.’

What are those two parts?

He (aws) says, ‘what is in between your jaws: your tongue. And what is between your thighs: your private part.’

21st century Muslims and non-Muslims, believers and unbelievers, especially they have no control over their tongues. These two parts, yes, it’s gone now, their use. But especially with the tongue now, the tongue not just literally speaking, but getting whatever that you feel, whatever that you think, across. Now people don’t speak but everyone has a computer in their hands, or phone in their hands and everyone is doing what? Everyone, they are giving comment about everything. From personal things, to religious things, to Holy things, everything, everyone is saying something. And that puts more heaviness and more burden on you. Causing so much confusion everywhere. It is not for you. It is not for us.

And I said sometime ago, our Pir, our Grandsheykh, or who we are following, it’s not pir or GrandSheykh but the one after the Holy Prophet (asws), Hazreti Abu Bakr Siddiq (ra),  Siddiqul Akbar, he had a piece of stone that he would put into his mouth and  keep it there for some time so that he does not speak. When it’s necessary he takes it out, he says couple of words and he puts it back.

You want to have more control over your tongue? First, you have to think, you have to listen to yourself, listen to your words. What comes out from your mouth, first listen to it. If you are not taking care of what you are saying and understanding what you are saying, and looking and listening to yourself, you will never be able to control your tongue. First, listen to  yourself. Don’t talk so much. Listen to yourself. What you are saying, does it give benefit to you and to others? No. Then keep silent. This is Holy advice from Holy Prophet (asws).

Okay, so now you speak, you are listening, now put your tongue, like they say, behind your heart. Speak from your heart. Listen and speak from your heart. Weigh your words very carefully.  Because your words, it is still out there. The sounds that you are making is still out there. You pass, you just say it, but that sound  is circling around the galaxy and it’s going to come back to you again. On the Judgement Day, we will be held accountable for everything that we say. So the intelligent person will sit down, he will look at himself or herself, and he will say, ‘Why do I need to say those things? Is it necessary? Do I know when I said those words, who it’s going to hit and hurt, or I’m just saying that? Am I saying that because I just want to make a show, to boast, to brag about something? It doesn’t  give any benefit.’  Be silent. Maybe that time when  you look at your words and you understand what kind of damage comes from you lips, from your mouth, from your tongue, you are going to stop.

If you still not stopping, they say what? ‘What goes around, comes around.’ Your words will circle around the universes, around the galaxies and it will fall on top of your head one day. So don’t be surprise  when one day, unusual things happen to you. Don’t be surprise when things start dropping on top of your head and you start getting into trouble and you said, ‘what did I do?’  What did you do? With the tongue, you have broken hearts. And with that tongue, it ties you up and it brings you to Hellfire.

So InsyaAllah ar-Rahman, you want to control your tongue, first understand  what is coming out from the tongue. Question yourself why. Then later, think twice before speaking. If you don’t, suit yourself, but we are going to be responsible for everything that we do.



 Hoja Lokman Efendi Hz, Khalifah of Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs) * OSMANLI DERGAHI- New York

January 15, 2015

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