Question: What should two murids do if they get into a disagreement or fight?
What should two murids do if they get into a fight? In the first place why are they getting into a fight? Why are you getting into a disagreement? Disagreement, it’s okay. Fighting, it is not allowed. You can disagree. Why you have to fight?
When you disagree, two murids when they disagree on something, you have your own way, the other person has his own way, two ways. That’s okay. Holy Prophet (asws) says, ‘the disagreements between my Sahabis, they are a rahmat to the nations. They are mercy to the nation.’ What does that mean, disagreement? That means; two different ishtihar, two different ways, two different opinions, to solve a problem, to solve a situation. Different ways. So the ummat now, has a wide choice. He did not say the fighting of my Sahabis they are a Rahmat. We are not going to go into that, what the Sahabis did. Look to ourselves, why we need to fight?
Fighting is coming from the ego. One saying I’m right, the other one saying I’m right and both not backing off because both demanding that they are right and the other one is wrong.
One time, Nasruddin Hoja, you know Nasruddin Hoja? He was a Saint. He was a King size Saint. He was created as a Prophet but Allah accepted his request to not be a Prophet but just to be a regular member of this ummat. Because he says, ‘I want to lift the burden of the Ummat. I want to help the ummat.’ And Allah accepted that request on the day of Qalu Bala. Which is why, when anyone is saying a story, a Nasruddin Hoja’s story, whatever troubles that you are in, whatever situation that you are in, no matter how heavy your heart is, you will forget about it for the second, and you will laugh. Your burden is lifted.
Nasruddin Hoja, one man and one wife came in front of him saying, ‘Hoja, we have disagreement. You have to judge now. You have to say which one is right and which one is wrong.’
Hoja said, ‘Okay. So say.’
And they started speaking. First the husband started speaking. ‘Hoja, this is what happened….this, this, and this, and this and this,’…going on.
Hoja is listening, listening, listening, saying, ‘you know what? You are right.’
The wife got very upset. ‘No Hoja, this is not what happened. this is what happened. this, and this and this and this and this….’
Hoja’s listening and says, ‘You are right.’
So Hoja’s wife was listening behind. She couldn’t stand any longer. She says, ‘Hoja, what are you doing? You are saying he is right and you are saying she is right? So who is right?’
So Hoja says, ‘you know wife, you are right too.’
Hmm, so everyone in their own mind, they think they are right. Who thinks they are wrong? Who in a disagreement thinks that they are wrong? especially when the ego starts. Fighting is even worst. Who is, in a fighting thinks that they are wrong? No one. Why you want to get into a fight. Not necessary. What do you do? To know that if you have a fight, the way that it is going to break the back of sheytan, because sheytan that time is happy when he sees two murids fighting. Very happy. He has a big party that time. In order to break the backbone of sheytan, get up and hug each other. Hug each other. That’s it. If you have a disagreement and both of you agree to disagree, it’s okay. Accept each other’s way. Say, ‘that it is for you and this is for me.’ Everyone is going to spin in their own orbit. No one is going to spin in their orbit and crushing each other.
So, InsyaAllah, we will understand if at that moment when you were having a disagreement, in that moment you are fighting, and if you manage to stop yourself and say, ‘Ah, my Allah is watching me. My Prophet is watching me. Is this word fit to come out from my mouth? My Sheykh is watching me. Does it fit?’ and you are trying to hold it in, that time the wind, the breeze of Rahmat already touch you. And sheytan is already burning. But if that time you don’t care for nothing, you say, ‘I’m right! I don’t care who says what,’ that time, sheytan has taken the fire that is meant for him and he is giving it to you and you are burning inside.
So, we are not saying everyone should be the same. But we are saying, you know why the Ottoman Empire it was so successful? Because people were able to live together, although they disagree. From everything: from their race, from their religion, eh differences. Differences. The differences, they became a rahmat. May it be easy, InsyaAllah. SelamAleykum
Hoja Lokman Efendi Hz, Khalifah of Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs) * OSMANLI DERGAHI NY
February 20, 2015