Question: Should one constantly try and talk to their non-Muslim family members about Islam? I always feel uneasy about it after, as I do not like to debate with them, but I also cannot explain my points very well to make them understand. To them, it becomes as if I am the wrong one for rejecting the trinity, and I keep telling them that it is not logical. Should I stop trying to show them that Islam is the truth and focus on myself instead?
Don’t show the truth. Walk on the way of truth. When you’re trying to walk on the way of Haqq, when you are trying to walk on the way of the Prophet (asws), when you’re trying to be a good Muslim, that’s the time that others will see what you are living and what you’re practicing, and they will understand that better.
Don’t Argue. Arguments, it takes away the light of faith. No one knows how to argue anyways these days. When people argue, it is not to find out the truth. It is to say “I am right and you are wrong.” Doesn’t matter if you are spiritual, you are sufi, you are sunni, you are Muslim, you are Christian, you are believer, or you are unbeliever. It comes to that: “I am right, you are wrong.” So now, ego against ego. It doesn’t work. It never works that way. This is not how Holy Prophet (asws), he spread Islam. No. He spread the truth definitely not by showing people, “You are wrong, I am right.” Definitely not by saying that.
Now if people ask you sincerely, because some people, they look like they are asking you, but in reality, they want to fight with you. You have to be smarter than that, to say “No, I am not going to answer. You are trying to pull me in to an argument, into a fight, so I am not going to answer.” But some people, sincerely they want to know. This is called permission in islam. And in Tariqat, in spirituality, this is very important. If there is permission, you may speak. Speak only that much that you think is necessary. Don’t go more than that. If you start to speak and you see their ego putting a veil in front of them, putting a wall, then step back. Say, “I’m not here to argue. You are here asking me some things, and I am here saying to you some things. Accept it or don’t accept it. It’s up to you.”
This is the best way to do it. Because, Islam is not spread, the truth is not spread, by fighting, with arguing. You do not become the truth just by talking about the truth. You don’t become a good Muslim just by talking about what a good Muslim should be. Become a believer. Become a good Muslim. Become that one that is putting the Sunnat of the Prophet asws into your life. That is the biggest da’awa. Because people, first they will get attracted to you. It is always like that. Understand that first Holy Prophet asws, before he told everyone that there is only one Allah, before he said that there is only one Prophet, and “I am your Prophet (asws)”, before he did that, he was “Al-Amin.” Meaning what? Before he starts telling people what is Haqq and Batil, he became everyone’s best friend. You think Holy Prophet (asws), he only found out (astaghfirullahil-azeem-wa-atubuilay), he only found out about Haqq and Batil, when the angel Jibrael (as) visited him in the cave? He didn’t know before that? Of course. It’s impossible. He knew. He knew before. But there was no permission.
First it’s what? The order. Make everyone to love you. Just as our Sheykh, Hazretleri Sahibul Saif. When Sheykh Nazim Hz, may Allah grant him highest stations, sent him (Sheykh Abdul Kerim ) to America, when he was only 19 years old, he said, “Make everyone to like you. Make everyone to love you. Make everyone to trust you. Make everyone, that when they come next to you, they feel comfort. They feel love. You help them.” Helping is not helping, that when the person bites your hand, you smack them. No. Helping is, you helping them, they bite your hand, you pull back. They ask for help, you still help them again. They bite it, you pull back again, because it hurts. Don’t leave your hand there. Pull back. But continuously you help them. That is the way of Hz. Ali (ra)
So you help people, until the order comes, “Now speak the truth. If they ask, speak the truth.” Now that is another level. First make everyone to like you. It doesn’t mean you have to love the wrong things that they are doing. It doesn’t mean you have to accept the wrong things that their doing. Put that away. Put that aside. Don’t enter into that. Make everyone first to trust you, to like you, to love you, until you get the title: “al-Amin.” Then that time when you are trustworthy, just on a personal basis, whatever you speak now, they will trust you. Isn’t it? Whatever you speak now, they know, that you are not trying to judge them, or trick them, or cheat them, or trying to take advantage of them. First build a relationship with them. You didn’t build a relationship yet? Then build a relationship with them.
After that, later if they ask you, “What does Islam say about this..this..and this..?” Speak as much as you know. If you have a Sheykh, it is important now to consult, because you may have this much knowledge (Hoja widens his hands), but if there is no permission for you to speak this much, then don’t. Permission may be given to you only speak this much (Hoja closes the gap between his hands and makes it smaller). Don’t try this much, because you don’t know how to convey, you don’t know how to convince. Because there is no permission. If you have permission, and you know this much (very little), definitely the Sheykh can make it like this (very big). Definitely. Because now you are following orders, and you are being very sincere.
So, you can never win people over by saying that they are wrong. Never.
Not then, not now. First fix yourself. Be busy with yourself. If you want to spread Haqq, try to walk in the way of Haqq. Do that first, because there is more to belief then doctrine. Trinity, this and that, is just doctrine. You understand? Don’t you know, 2000 years more passed, and they are still going back and forth. You think you are going to solve it just like that for them?
You are not going to. So now, instead of talking to them, talking about trinity, talk about “Ahad.” Talk about the Oneness. Talk about how we need to be one. You understand? Don’t say to them, “Dont do this and don’t do that.” “Don’t believe in this and don’t believe in that.” Be busy, saying that “this is what I learned, and this is what my Prophet is teaching us. This is what my Sheykh is teaching us.” Because nothing that the Holy Prophet (asws) brought, anyone can say, that “we don’t believe in this.” that “this is wrong.” No.
First you have to believe in it. You have to practice it Inshallah-ar-Rahman. Put it in your life. Then that time, they say,”we want this.” “You have this. You have this peace. You have this confidence. You have this faith. What is this?” Then, speak. Inshallah. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.
Hoja Lokman Effendi Hz, Khalifah of Sheykh Abdul Kerim al-Hakkani al-Kibrisi QS, Osmanli Dergahi.
February 5, 2015