How do we forgive and forget what others have done to us in our lifetime?


Question: How do we forgive and forget what others have done to us in our lifetime? I find it difficult to let go as the excruciating pain stirs up inside of me from time to time.

Sheykh and Hoja

BismillahirRahmanirRahim.Don’t be busy with that pain. You have to make a choice. So many things in your life are happening, so many things in your life will demand your attention. So many things in your life will say, ‘I am the most important thing in your life.’ For some it is ambition. For some it is the pain that they have carried. For some it is what they did to others. For some it is what others have done to them. Not everything is important. There is a priority in Islam.

What is the priority in Islam? To build a relationship with Allah swt. Because Allah, is our Creator. Allah is the One who has created you, and Allah is the One that can remove the pain from your heart. Do you believe that? If you believe that that pain can be removed, you are going to go and you are going to search for that. Do you believe that pain can be removed? Do you at least believe that that pain can be covered? Do you believe that that pain can be controlled? If you believe that, then you are going to go to those ones who have the answers for this. It may take years. Some people, they take their whole lives. But if you believe that Allah is Rahman and Rahim, and He is our Creator, and He can remove it, He can cover it, that whatever that you have gone through He can make that to become something that is going to benefit you dunya and Ahiret and others too, if you believe this the answer will come to you. It will be possible to let go of that pain. If you don’t believe it, if you say this pain is bigger than my Lord, hasha astarghfirullah, this pain is bigger than His mercy, this pain is bigger than His blessings, then nothing will save you. Nothing. Forty Prophets coming to speak to you, you will not believe.

You know what will help? What pain did you go through? Okay, I know certain pains that some people that they go through.  Were you being tyrannized? Were you being oppressed? Yes, you are being oppressed. When you have no power, you have no voice, you have no strength, you have no protection and somebody comes to oppress you, and what is the station of those who are oppressed in Islam? Is Allah saying, those who are being oppressed they are garbage? Or  does Allah say, those who are being oppressed they will appear to Me on the Day of Judgment, close to Me? That their station will be raised because they are oppressed.  This is a matter of reality of Islam. It is not just a matter of belief. This is the reality of Islam.

You sit and you think. You understand that. You are not concentrating just on the pain. You are now looking to see the wisdom around it. That the good, there is always good in something that happens. And especially if you don’t deserve the evil that is being done to you, Allah is watching, that your spiritual station will rise more than those ones who are working so hard, more than those ones who are worshipping so much. And the suffering that you have gone through will make your heart to be bigger to understand those who are suffering in this world right now. And when your heart is big for the Rahmat of Allah to be in there, you will be a tool to help others who are in similar situation.

Are we looking, whatever pain that we are suffering, are we also understanding that this pain, the companions of the Prophet they went through, or the Tabi’ins, of the friends of Allah. The mistake that you will do is to say, ‘no, but they never felt this pain.’ Because everyone, when they feel the pain, they think it is special to them. It is only special to you when you don’t feel others pain. That’s when you think that your pain is unique and nobody else feels it. If you feel the pain of others, then you are able to balance it a little bit. Are you going to say, ‘my pain is maybe greater than this one but not as great as another one.’ You cannot say, ‘well, they have never gone through this.’ How do you know? How do you know?  Especially if you have gone through all that pain and you are now in the way of Allah and His Prophet, you think Allah swt is going to make you to go through that for nothing?  And you sit and you understand now, and you feel for others. Others who have no voice, others who are suffering, and this is the time when you open your hands and you ask Allah swt. He hears you. Definitely He does. He will answer you.

This is what is necessary for us to know. Like I said, if you think that your pain is just special, unique to yourself, you are always  the victim, and you are not looking at how, maybe you have cause others pain, maybe not in the same way but in different ways. You are not looking at that, you are looking at yourself as special, and that time, it’s very difficult to get through. When you do these things, slowly you have a control over your pain. Because you are now concentrating not on the pain, you are concentrating on the benefit and the wisdom and what Allah is showing you, making you to understand through that. Allah is not going to waste any experience that you have gone through in your life, especially after which you are in the way of Allah swt, you are in the way of the Awliya Allah, whatever that you have gone through, you will understand what others are going through. That time, you may help. You may reach to them. And when you help and reach to them, help will reach to you too. And you’ll be able to now have a handle on your pain, because you are not busy with yourself, you are busy with others and Allah will lift that pain away from you. May Allah make it easy for you, insyaAllah. Wa minAllahu Taufiq. This much is enough.

May Allah swt raise the station of our Sheykh. May Allah swt always make us to be in need of Him. May He always send His Himmet to us. May He take away all the confusion that is surrounding us, to give us more faith and more strength in these days, insyaAllah. Al-Fatiha. Amin. SelamAleykum Warahmatullah.

Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
4 Shaban 1436H
May 22, 2015

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