Question: What is the importance of marriage? If two person tries to follow the way of Islam, but if these two person cannot feel close to Allah, cannot feel the oneness when they are together because of being in different frequencies, what should they do?
BismillahirRahmanirRahim. Marriage is very important in Islam. Marriage is what? Prophet (asws) says: it is half of your faith. If you are not married, you only have half.
There is no celibacy in Islam, no monkery in Islam. Monkey, monkery in Islam. That they are, mashaAllah, they are so celibate, so clean, so celibate. It is important because we are humans too and once you are married now, you will start to understand and carry the burden more of being a human. If you are not married, you are so free, right? You are so free, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
Once you are married, you are carrying the burden now. For the man it is the burden of what? Of a family, that is like a country. Now you have to take care. Now you are responsible. For the woman, now you have the burden of what? Of “creation.” Allah has given the secret of creation in you. Now it’s not just to give birth, it is to raise them, your children. So now, the man goes to higher station as a human being. Not just stuck at bachelorhood. He enters into several other stations to understand what it is to be a man, to be a human, entering into fatherhood, all of that. And the woman too, entering into this stage where the things that is happening to you must increase your faith. Things that are happening to you must increase your faith.So these two things, these two people, marriage must happen. InsyaAllah, everyone will get married.
So, as you are saying, if two people try to follow the way of Islam but they cannot feel close to Allah, meaning if two people they cannot get along together, what should you do? Get along with Allah first. Okay. Don’t try to get along with each other. Get along with Allah first and fulfill your responsibilities. You must first do that. Then later everything will start to change, to shift, because your primary responsibility is to Allah and His Prophet (asws). But in these days, so many marriages end in divorce, why? Because people have different ideas about what marriage is.
Number one, especially in the west, marriage is a fairytale. Wedding fairytale, and you want the rest of your life to be like that fairytale, wonderful, honeymoon. So when reality sinks in a little bit, oops, they leave. It’s all love. It’s all a high. Once that high is gone, you say, ‘I don’t want this.’ ‘This is not real,’ you are saying, thinking that the high is real. So the divorce go to another high, finish, and go to another high. It is an addiction now. you are not dealing with that reality.
So the whole idea of marriage, you have to change. Marriage in Islam, like I said, it is half your faith. Marriage must increase your faith. You can increase your faith, you can complete your faith in marriage. It doesn’t mean that everything has to be great for that faith to increase. So many times the marriage it is not so good, that increases your faith. If things cannot work out so well, that increases your faith because now you are relying on Allah more than each other. Because people now, once they fall in love, they marry each other, they start worshipping each other. Isn’t it? But we are not objects of worship. We are not ilah, so definitely we are going to disappoint each other one day.
So now then you have to understand what is the responsibility according to Allah and His Prophet. What are the responsibilities of a husband and what are the responsibilities of a wife. According to Allah and His Prophet. Not according to Talk shows, or books or magazine or songs, you understand? According to Allah and His Prophet. And we have fourteen hundred years of history to show how a marriage in Islam should be. Some things will be against your ego. Yes of course. What? We are here to please our ego?
If you understand that what a husband must do, what a wife must do, and you are going to try to be busy doing that, then that time, you will fall under the same frequency. You will. You must. But the most important things especially in these days is to find a Sheykh. Because you think that you are on the same frequency, but if there is no Sheykh, if there is no leader there, if there is no doctor there, then it’s very difficult for people in these days because everything is against this Holy institution of marriage and so many difficulties may come and it’s only a matter of time that they start to split. Because the Sheykh is there to cement. If both of them they follow somebody that they can go to, to ask for advice and everything, and the Sheykh will be there to put certain boundaries to each other, to respect each other, so that they can stay in the marriage.
Sometime it’s impossible. Sometime it’s very difficult. People they want to leave. Then, that’s a different story. But at least, when the Sheykh is there the thing is to bring them together. All of the problems, so many times, it’s not real. It’s not important. It’s not important. And you need someone with authority, someone with wisdom to be able to point it out, to bring them together. So, yes, the Sheykh is there for so many reasons. Insya’Allah, may it be easy. Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi wabarakatu.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
OSMANLI DERGAHI- New York