How can you fix a broken trust?


Question: How can you fix a broken trust?

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Someone trust you and you break. If you understand what it feels like to be betrayed, then you will know what to do. If you don’t know what it feels like, it’s impossible for you to fix it. If you know what it feels, if you know what it is, if you understand that reality, then you will understand that it’s going to take sometime and it’s going to take some work.

Trust takes a long time to build. But it only takes a second to just break. But for the believer who is thinking, he will ask himself everyday, ‘today how did I break my trust with Allah? How did I break my trust with Allah swt? Allah trusted me today, and I broke it.’ If you are busy doing that and trying to understand, and trying to fix it, then you are going to understand the question. You will understand the answer.

If you’ve broken someone’s trust, you must understand that that one, he may forgive you. As believers, we forgive. But he’s not going to trust you. It’s going to take some time. What are you going to do? In the regular American way, you are going to say, ‘well, it’s not my problem. I already said I’m sorry. I apologise. That’s his problem.’ That’s why so many times, people who are doing something wrong, later somebody got upset, then later they say, ‘are you still upset with me? Are you still upset with me?’ It’s not about the person being upset with you. It’s you making the person to be upset. If you understand what you’ve done to make the person to be upset, you are not going to ask that question. You are going to run and go out of your way to fix that problem. That is, if you understand and if you have a heart. These days people don’t have a heart. They break trust one million times, then they say, ‘I’m sorry.’ And they do it again. They don’t care what comes after that.

Maulana Rumi (qs) is saying what? ‘Come. Come whoever you are, whatever you are. Even if you have broken your vows, your trust, your promises, a thousand times, come. Ours is not a Dergah of despair.’ He’s saying, ‘Dergah.’ He’s not saying, ‘caravan.’ So many translations, they don’t want to make it to sound Islamic. They are making Hz Rumi to be this hippy guy. Free. Today, no hippie. Hipster guy. They want to try to make him to be removed from Islam. When he’s swearing, he says, ‘I am a servant of the Quran. I am a slave, I am a dust under the feet of Mustafa (asws). Anyone who says that I am other than this, I’m not from them and they are not from me.’ Meaning all those who love him and they are asking for his prayers and intercessions but they are against to Allah and His Prophet, they are against to the Quran, he’s removing his protection from them. Doesn’t matter how much they claim that they love him. So he is saying, ‘even if you’ve broken your promises a thousand times, come. Because ours is not a Dergah of despair.’

The believer forgives. The believer does not give despair and he is not in despair. What is despair? To give up hope. To give up hope. To say everything is hopeless. That is coming from sheytan. Sheytan puts a hopelessness there. But Allah swt, in the hadiths e-Sharif is saying, ‘if everyone is going to Paradise and there is only one person that is going to Hellfire, you must think that it is you that is going to Hellfire. If everyone else is going to Hellfire, and there is one person who is going to Paradise, you must think that it is you that is going to Paradise.’ So there is a balance there. It is not going to one extreme to say, ‘oh, we believe. We definitely is going to Paradise.’ It’s not to the extreme to say, ‘I’m giving up hope. There’s never I’m going to become a servant to Allah.’ It’s not like that.

So now, you come to the Dergah, you are coming to your Dergah, and you fix that broken promise that you’ve made. You fix it. First you understand what is that promise that you’ve made, what is the trust that you made. Then you understand what is it that you’ve done. Then you are going to run to try to fix it. There’s no magic. Allah swt is saying, ‘if you don’t thank the person who did something to you. No need to thank Me. If you don’t ask for forgiveness from someone that you’ve done something wrong to,  I’m not going to forgive you.’  So now there is a secret to the protocol and the chain that Allah swt has put into this world. Because so many may say, ‘well I did something to you, doesn’t matter, I’m asking forgiveness from Allah.’ Allah is saying it, ‘I’m not accepting your forgiveness.’

So we must run. We must try to fix it. And if you understand how much it hurts, as much as you understand, that time you will know how to fix it. Not only fixing it, you know what set it off, what are the words that you have said. But for the believer, of course, believer cannot hold a grudge in his heart. Believer must forgive. A believer must not ask for justice. A believer ask for Mercy. Our Prophet (asws) is a Prophet of Mercy. He is not a Prophet of justice. Because by justice, we will all fail. But with Mercy, we have hope. Allah swt, in the name of Rahman and Rahim, it is so special, it is so valuable, it is so priceless, it is so high that He use these two names out of His ninety-nine names, out of His thousand names, out of His million billion names that Allah swt that we know and we don’t know. Does He have more  than ninety-nine names? Of course he does. Humans, may have the names that they call Allah too. The Prophets, they have a special names that they call Allah too. Angels they have a special names that they call Allah. The animals they have a special name. The plants they have a special name. They all call on their Lord, they all remember their Lord, and everything that is in existence is calling to their Lord, isn’t it?

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But Allah puts His two Names to say, ‘if you want to mention My name, if you want to begin with My name, then begin with Rahman and Rahim,  the Most Merciful, the Most Compassion. BismillahirRahmanirRahim. In the name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Compassionate. And if Mercy has ninety-nine parts, Allah just gave one part, one part. Ninety-nine parts He keeps. One part it is enough for Paradise. It is enough for animals, and mankind and this world, and everything in it in existence, that one part of Mercy, it is enough. Ninety-nine parts, He is keeping. For what? For Himself? Astarghfirullah. Allah is not in need of anything. He has kept for us. When is He going to show us that? On the Day of Judgment. If that is Rahman, Mercy, what is Rahim, Compassion?  We cannot even imagine. And He has kept it for us too on the Day of Judgment.

Our Prophet is a Prophet of Mercy. So those ones who are following him, they will be merciful. Mercy comes in different ways too. Don’t just think mercy means, ‘oh, my baby, my darling, it’s okay.’ Mercy comes in so many ways too. Sometimes merciful is not in the way of what you think it is. This much is enough. SelamAleykum.

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Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
12 Zul-Qadah, 1436H
August 27, 2015

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This entry was posted in Hoja Lokman Effendi (2015), Questions and Answers. Bookmark the permalink.

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