Question: How can I learn proper adab when I am not able to visit the Dergah frequently yet live in a modern Muslim community where the dunya, not manners, is emphasized? I want to sit with those who have adab.
Lucky, you have internet right? Sit with us as much as you want. Every day you can play one sohbet and pretend you are sitting with us. You are not pretending anyway, you are sitting with us. It’s still available. Don’t just watch those stupid cat videos. Watch some sohbet and say,’I am sitting down and I am listening as if I am there.’ Be with us, then that time you will know. That time you can take something. But don’t just say, ‘ I want, I want.’ These things are still available. But if you say I don’t have time then we say of course you don’t have time because you spend so much time with other people, with other things. If something is really important to you, you are going to have time.
So, listen to the sohbets, understand it, try to put it in your life, and watch. Watch and observe. This is not a way where we say don’t even watch and don’t observe. If anything this way, this Jama’at, is making you to watch and observe even more. You cannot be blind. You cannot just say, ‘it’s none of my business, it’s none of my business, it’s none of my business, it’s none of my business.’ Yes it is not your business to change, but it is your business at least to not like it in your heart. Because it is everyone’s business when they see something wrong to change it. It is everyone’s business. Now, from high level to low level, everyone is saying, ‘don’t interfere, don’t interfere, don’t interfere. It is not your business, all you have to do is find peace in yourself.’ Masha’Allah, whole world is burning and you are finding peace in yourself. But it is a farz when we see something wrong that we have to correct it. You cannot correct it with your hands, meaning you don’t have the authority or the power to do it, don’t correct it with your hands. Correct it with your tongue, speak. Those who are supposed to speak, they must speak. But they don’t speak. If you cannot correct with your tongue, it’s going to be your responsibility. You cannot correct with your tongue, at least correct it in your heart. That time, we must look and we must say, ‘Ya Rabbi, this is wrong, I cannot do any anything, don’t make me to become one of those who leave Your ways and enter into the ways that You don’t like.’ At least to have that. Everyone is selling out anyway.
So observe and understand. Sometimes they say, for example, the best way to understand manners is to observe those ones who don’t have manners. Then observe yourself, don’t think that you have manners, say to yourself, ‘I have the worst manners. So what are the best manners that I must put it in my life.’ InshaAllah. Selam waleykum waRahmathullah.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
OSMANLI DERGAHI- New York
20 Rabiulawwal 1436H
Dec 31, 2015