Question: Is having manners the same as being humble?
No, it is not the same. To be humble is just one part of manners. Manners means to do the right thing at the right time for the right reason. For example, now it is manners to come and to say ‘SelamAleykum.’ It is manners, correct? It is Prophetic manners. But when the sohbet is happening, it is not good manners for you to come to give selams, you are interrupting. Or, now it is bad manners for you to give selams to people when they are eating.
Knowing what to do, when to do it and how to do it. This is when you have to sit for the sohbet and you have to be with the Sheykh to understand. Because, we can speak and trying to explain everything, you are not going to get it. You have to be there in that situation to be able to get it, to understand. Once you start understanding now, you are taking the principles and you are going to apply it in different ways and you are not going to find a contradiction. Because so many times when people are confused, it’s not because you are confuse, it’s because you don’t want to see. Same thing now, you do it in a different way, it becomes wrong. If you do it the right way, it is good.
May Allah give us more manners InshaAllah. And in these days, don’t try to learn good manners. First get rid of your bad manners. Don’t try to read books on manners. First read your book and understand that you have these bad manners. ‘What are my bad manners?’ Sit down and think. ‘My bad manners is, I never let someone to speak,’ you may say. ‘I always want to say something.’ Bad manners is, ‘I always give excuse.’ Bad manners is, ‘I cannot just keep still little bit when something is happening.’ Bad manners is, ‘I like to slick away when there is work to be done.’ Now if you understand all these and you know this, all these things are actions.If you understand all these actions coming from a wrong intention and you fix it, then that time it doesn’t matter you speak very softly or very nicely, you have the manners. Because, you are doing the correct action at the correct time, in the correct way.
So many, they speak very softly and humbly, they walk backwards, they are doing so many things that look as if is very good edep, but you touch them a little bit, just a little bit and the anger comes out like a wild beast. Other people touch them just a little bit and they become or some authority is given to them little bit and they become a zalim. Or you praise them a little bit then suddenly they become very proud. We should look, we should watch. It’s pretty simple. Our Sheykh is doing this or not, when did he do this, why did He do this, trying to understand that? Then you are not going to make too many mistakes with it. Because, it’s not just you alone, it’s everyone else. Which is why, Allah is saying ‘Be a Jamaat.’ Allah is Jaami. And be a Jamaat. Pull yourself back, it’s okay to pull yourself back physically but don’t pull your heart out and you must watch everything.
We are all here trying to learn. InshaAllah, may Allah accept our weak service. And in these Holy days, we are asking that Allah forgive us for all our shortcomings, for not being able to do as much as we should for the service of our Sheykh. And we are asking Allah to change our hearts, to make us to have more passion, to make us to have more manners, to make us to have more understanding and love and the fear of Him Insya’Allah, for us to be straight not to be heedless and not to let our sheytan or ego just to ambush us and to make us to fall into a trouble, that we are to be always vigilant and alert, for the sake of the Holy Prophet(asws). Al Fateha.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
OSMANLI DERGAHI- New York
18 Rabiul Akhir 1437
January 28, 2016.