Question: How to look for a wife?
That is a good question. You don’t look for a wife. You don’t know how to look. Our Sheykh is saying, you cannot even choose a melon. You know melon? In Turkish, you can’t even choose a melon, how are you going to choose your life partner dunya and ahirat?
If there’s a pile of melon there, do you know which one is good, which one is sweet, which one is not? No, definitely you don’t know. Allahua’lam if you even know what a melon is. They are going to give you one basketball and they paint it, one bowling ball and one melon. They say, ‘choose the melon.’ You are going to choose the bowling ball. Man doesn’t even know how to choose a melon. How is he going to choose a wife? We are going to choose according to the old ways. Did Prophet (asws) choose his wife? It was chosen for him. The Sahaba e-Kiram, did they choose their wife? No, it was chosen for them. Who chose for them? Those ones who knows, those ones who have some wisdom, those ones who are looking and they say, ‘this is good for you. This is no good for you. But if you want, you may.’
You may find someone, you may come to me and say, ‘Hoja, this is a very good melon. Beautiful melon, I think.’ I’m looking at that, and I look at you, I say, ‘are you for real? Really?’ But if you listen to me, you listen. If you don’t listen to me, go ahead and try to eat that bowling ball. It’s going to crush you. In marriage, so many of the time, these days it’s like that. That’s why Muslim marriages had end up in very high divorce rate. But at least you come to me. If you come to me, I may say, ‘my son, my brother, it looks good but it doesn’t taste like anything. It’s no good for you.’ If you listen, you listen. If you don’t listen, what can I do? Then you are going to say, ‘what shall I do?’ I may say, I’m going to choose a melon for you. Or I’m going to say, now because you are looking, choose. But at least show me what you’ve chosen before you decide to eat it. So like that it’s also ok.
Make the decision with those ones who have some wisdom and some knowledge. If you are following a Sheykh, it’s best to ask. You understand? But don’t go to matrimonial site please. Huh, 21st century, they are going to halal matrimonial site. What halal matrimonial site? They have all the na mahram, correct? You cannot marry your mahram right? So that means every person you look, it is haram to you. So how you are going to have a halal matrimonial site? Not understanding. Following unbelievers. Following unbelievers.
Yeah, you say, maybe times are very rough and this and that. I said, okay, times are rough. Go and eat that bowling ball. Enjoy yourself. It’s so rough, if you have to eat it, eat. Or we are going to say, ‘please, we are praying for you. Wait. It is coming.’ But you are free too. Then later when you get a stomachache, don’t blame me, okay. As you like. Some people they are very smart. They come to me and they say, ‘how about this?’ and I say, ‘we’ll see. We’ll pray for it.’ Slowly, slowly, slowly, it seems impossible sometimes, in the beginning, then later it became a little bit easy. A little bit easy. And they come to me and they said, ‘thank you.’ I said, what did I do? I didn’t do anything.
So, we are not here for that. Dergah is not here for that too. But if Allah puts two hearts together, then it is a big zalim now to split those two hearts. You have to be a tyrant to split those two hearts. SelamAleykum. This much is enough.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
Osmanli Dergahi NY
25 Jamada al-Awwal 1437
March 5, 2016.