Question: I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for my lack of manner throughout my life, only after entering into tarikat, I have realized how disgusting I actually am and it has put an immense amount of fear in my heart that I may never reach the station of purity before leaving this dunya due to my countless wrongs. How can I balance my life to be on the right tracks and not keeping falling astray?
Don’t worry too much. You are just going to be sincere and say, ‘Ya Rabbi forgive me.’ Whatever that is past say, ‘I did not realize, I did not understand, forgive me.’ But now that you understand, today begin your life new.Start your life clean. All that you have done before, according to your sincerity and asking for Allah’s forgiveness it is easy for Allah to forgive. And according to your sincerity Allah will not only forgive you but He will take all our wrong actions and He will turn them to become good actions and He will reward us for it.
This is the mercy of Allah, that when you take the Bay’at with a Sheykh, Sheykh Effendi had said, you start, you are like a newborn, a newborn Muslim. You become fresh. When you give your Shahadat, you refresh yourself, your religion. When you pray, you refresh. But the idea now is not just to refresh, the idea now is not to fall back into the dirtiness. You can be refreshed but you fall back in to that dirtiness then what is the use? Don’t be so busy thinking, ‘oh what I have done, what I have done,’ because in Islam too we are not too, we are not going to stand and be so guilty and beat yourself up. No, you are going to do something. Your going to do something. You have done so may wrong actions then run to do something right. You have refreshed yourself, the prayer Holy Prophet (asws) had said the salat, the namaz it is like if you are dirty and you are jumping into a river to bath yourself, clean five times a days. Don’t jump into the clean river and then right after you finish and jumping into the sewer river.
So you have to understand now first how did you get dirty? Don’t be busy with the guilt , ‘oh how bad I am, I’m so bad, I’m so…’ First ask yourself why did i do it? Understand yourself, why did I do it? ‘Oh because I’m a bad person.’ That’s an easy answer. Say you did something to someone, ‘why did I do it?’ ‘Oh I don’t know.’ These days, easy because they learn from everywhere, why? ‘I don’t know.’ Why? ‘Whatever.’ Why? They just do that. Masha’Allah. More you do that more angels are seeing, whatever huh? It’s going to be whatever very hardly in the grave that time. We are going to be questioned for everything. We are going to be questioned for the halal things that we have done, for the halal money that we have earned, we are going to be questioned for that. What about things that are questionable, what about things that are wrong? That time you cannot say, ‘Ah, I didn’t know that was wrong.’
Don’t be too busy with the guilt. Understand, put yourself in that situation, when you did that, why I did that? Then you come to the answer, very simple answer ‘I did that because, say, I was just being arrogant.’. Why are you being arrogant? ‘Because I don’t like that person.’ Why you don’t like that person? ‘Because I was feeling jealous.’ Now you are getting deeper and deeper and you are pulling things out. If you understand that, you’ll learn how to fix yourself. You are not going to jump into the same, slip into the same sewer river. You are going to stop yourself, you are going to say, ‘nope I did this before.’ You going to understand. Otherwise you are just going to be repeating and you are not going to learn nothing.
So if you understand, then you have some ammunition then run to fix it little bit. Today is a new day. The Evliyaullah, Sheykh Effendi is saying, if Allah swt through the mercy of His Prophet, through the mercy of Evliyaullah, for the love that He has for them, if He makes us to go to sleep with the wrong actions and wrong intentions that we have done and to wake up with that wrong actions and wrong intentions, we will all be crushed. None of us will be able to live one day. But in their mercy, in the sleep, they take away and they removed that from us, that those ones that even the whole night long they are doing wrong things, they go to sleep they wake up with some energy, maybe to continue doing the wrong things. But the believer has to be better than that. The believer should not be trapped and should not be tricked. Then that time when you are running to fix it, there is going to be some balance, because this is not a religion that you are just going to feel so sorry for yourself and you are going to hit yourself and you are going to cry, and you are going to make a show. All this is also a show, ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,’ is also a show. Now if you are sorry, you are going to do something. That time, it’s not a show, it is sincerity. Insha’Allah. May Allah make it easy for you, Al-Fatiha.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
Osmanli Dergahi NY
2 Jamada al-Ahir 1437
March 11, 2016.