Question: I feel I can become a good person (servant) for the sake of Allah, yet I am constantly feeling like I am being used as the worst examples for the whole of mankind… I feel I am the worst person on the face of the earth the amount of times I get judged which leads me to thinking how will I ever become good? What can I do to overcome this feeling?
BismillahirRahmanirRahim. When you are in a position where you lose all hope, that is the time you should hold on to the rope of Allah, not to let go.
Now, if you are a person who is following a Sheykh or following a Guide and if that Guide is trying to correct you, in this way our Sheykh is always correcting us, the reason for correcting us is not to judge us. Because all these words, judging, how people are judging, judging, it become such a bad word judging, but Allah is judging us. The Prophet is judging us. Oh! You going to say “But Allah is All Merciful”. So Allah doesn’t judge? The Quran e Kerim, 6666 Ayats is filled with a judgement of Allah, correct? That if we are, one of the signs of becoming a good servant is that he is going to accept the judgement of Allah or the judgement of His Prophet or the judgement of the Friends of Allah. It is something that is very bitter. This is not the way of sweetness. This way is not the way of sweetness. If you want sweetness, there are other Tariqats and other Sheykhs who will praise you 24 hours and there are some that they have found some other ones and they are praising them, look where they got you.
Ours is not that way. Now, doesn’t mean we are going to say, “You are the worst person you don’t…”. No. We say, This characteristic it is wrong, it is not beloved by Allah and His Prophet. You are being fooled by your ego. This is not you. You are being fooled by Sheytan, this is not coming from you. Let your real self to come out. If you are sincere and you are honest and you are going to agree, you going to understand then that time you going to Sajdah and you going to say, “Ya Rabbi, forgive me. I am a weak servant”. And Allah is saying, “You take one step to Me, I will take ten steps to you”. But you cannot be in a way where it is the responsibility of the Sheykh or the responsibility of the Guide to guide you to the right way, because there is the way that is going to bring you to Jannat but you are taking a detour and we saying, “Come back, you going there you going to enter into a Hell”. You cannot say now, “Why is he judging me? Let me go to my Hell” – Don’t think like that you are going to enter into there.
“Don’t judge me. You should not be judging me. You should understand.” – I understand. I was there. We were all there. Stop from that
“Why am I always getting picked on?” – It is the characteristic of the ego to think that you the only one in this whole Universe that is getting picked on, but it is not right. You are not the only one in the Universe who is getting picked on.
Nobody is getting picked on. What is getting picked on? Are the wrong characteristics that everyone shares. This is still a rope that is going to pull you out to make you to understand, to make you to wake up. You have a guide. If you don’t have a guide I cannot say too much to you, then follow your own guide, follow your own conscience. You have a guide, what is that Guide suppose to do to you, what is his responsibility? It’s so easy for the Guide now to see you when you are on the wrong way to just turn his face and to let you go in the wrong way because he knows if he says something you are going to get upset, you are going to get hurt, you going to get humiliated, you going to get this, you going to get that, negative. It’s so easy for him to turn his face and just smiles, “InshaAllah MashaAllah I will pray for you MashaAllah”. But that is not our way.
Now, if you, if a person feels like anyone here for example but I am picking on you. Once I start talking to other people, this other one will say, “Yes, actually he is talking about me because it is in me”. The other one is going to say, “actually it refers to me”. Everyone here especially those ones when their hearts are open they gonna say “it, there is something there that is for me”. So it is not just you. We are not here in the business hmh (Sheykh smiles) or in the habit of just taking one person and putting him there and being very negative about everything and pulling – No. But it is the ego’s characteristics to think it is the only one in this whole world, whether it is good or is bad.
Don’t feel like you are the worst person. Know that your ego is the worst thing, yes. But you are not the worst person. Your ego is doing the worst thing, find a way, be busy with trying to move out from that thinking, from that understanding. Like I said before, the people may feel embarrassed and of course in Sohbet especially we never mention specifically, have I or No? Yeah speak. Yeah say ‘that one very bad everything is wrong everything is’ Did I ever say that. Because that’s not the way.
It is a responsibility now to point to that, because sometimes, not sometimes most times when it is so important to speak it is not just one person, It’s because everyone is also feeling that way. It is not just for you, it is for everyone who is listening.
People think many things. You say that you feel you can become a good servant for the sake of Allah but you are feeling that you are being used as a worst example for the whole of mankind. So you are feeling that, the only thing that is stopping you from becoming a good servant to Allah is because you are getting picked on, you being used as a worst example? Now, does that make sense? You feel you can become a good servant but the only thing that is stopping you from becoming a good servant is because you feel that you being used as an example for the whole of mankind. No, there are many things that stops you from becoming a good servant to Allah (swt) and we feel if you see something, if you hear something and he says, “Ah! this refers to me. I have that characteristic”. That is a reminder to you and that is a Mercy to you.
To become a good servant of Allah (swt), one of the signs of becoming a good servant of Allah (swt) is to see something wrong in others and to say I have that and to watch yourself. One of the signs of being a good servant to Allah (swt) is when you being reminded that you have those characteristics wrong characteristics, you going to look at yourself and going to say “this is a good reminder, now I must try to do something”. Then you are going to watch yourself “Have I gotten better? Have I gotten better? Have I gotten better or not? I have that intention but have I gotten better?”
No one is judging you. But yes we judge the action, the action it is wrong. If the action it is wrong no one can say it is right. “Don’t judge me” Where is this coming from? We are not judging you, we are judging the action. In Islam it is always judging the action. That action will lead you to fall you deeper into a mess. Now it is the responsibility of that one who has been charged with helping you to pull you out. Sometimes when is necessary he is going to pull you out gently. Sometimes when he sees that you are really off the edge of the cliff, that time he will grab you just like that and pull you up. You are going to say “why you mistreating me like this? Why you pulling me so roughly? It hurts. My hand hurts.” It’s because you are going to fall down, before when we are saying and saying and saying and you don’t listen, now you are about to fall that’s why we have to hold you tightly. “But why you doing this? You are hurting me. What right do you have?” We say, easily, “if you are following our way, you don’t like it, you can easily let go too and we will”. But be intelligent and watch. Be intelligent and think. Don’t let the ego to overtake you.
This much is enough. Wa minAllahu Taufiq. May Allah forgive me and bless you. Al Fateha.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz,
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
OSMANLI DERGAHI- New York
12 Ramazan 1437
June 17, 2016.