Our Own Families are Hostile Towards Us Because We are Practicing an Out of Mainstream Islam. How Should we Behave With them?


Question: In Islam and in Tarikat, often we find people in our own families are hostile towards us because we are practising an Islam that is considered out of today’s mainstream or ‘normal’ Islam. No matter what we say, they are unaccepting. How should we behave with our families?

Behave with patience. Behave with patience, because Allah is the One who is going to turn their hearts, not you. Now, if they are oppressing you, I’m using a very heavy word, if they are oppressing you, if they’re cruel to you, I’m not talking about just saying a couple of things, I’m not talking about them being upset with you, but if they’re oppressing you, then you need to draw a line and you need to have a limit and you need to have the intelligence to say, ‘I stand on this side, you stand on that side. We don’t pass each other’s limits and we will be fine if we live together.’ If you don’t live together, you are free to practice your religion, that one is free to practice his beliefs.

But if you’re living together, you have to negotiate. You draw the line and they’re passing, over and over again, what do you do? If you’re able to, do what your Prophet did. What did he do? He made hijra, he left. He emigrated. He didn’t fight, he emigrated. How many years in Mecca? Thirteen years in Mecca, he was oppressed, all his followers were oppressed and tortured and killed, insulted, humiliated. He did not raise one single hand to hit back. This word should go to everyone in the world to understand what kind of a Prophet ours is, that they’re saying he’s violent and he fights back and he makes all this. For thirteen years, his own family members, people who loved him before he became a Prophet, when he became a Prophet, all he said was, ‘believe in Allah, turn your face away from this Dunya to your Lord and everyone, treat them accordingly with justice, do not oppress them,’ they hate him for it and they rushed to kill him. He did not take a sword to hit anyone back nor did any of his followers. And when it became unbearable, the order then came, Allah swt is saying, ‘make the Hijra.’ This is how we’re going to put the lessons of our Prophet (asws) into our lives.

Now, you’re living together, you cannot move. Be patient. There’s nothing you can do. It is their house, you’re eating their food, you’re not paying any bills, they have rights, in this world and they have rights in the matters of religion too. Religiously, according to shariat, they have rights over you. So be patient, you cannot say anything. You cannot fight back. Don’t. Now, you’re able to leave, you’re living separately. Still be patient, still no reason for you to fight, because fighting is not going to solve anything. They think Islam is evil, Tarikat is evil. There is already a veil in front of their hearts. They just, they cannot accept the idea, but they cannot deny you, you understand? They cannot deny you. They cannot say you do not exist. You become a good Muslim, you become a good person of Tarikat, you become a good person who is following a Sheykh, that time they cannot deny you. They may still not believe, maybe, but they’re going to grow to love and respect you and because of that, even if they hate it, there’s going to be safety that is reaching out to them, because they accept it from you.

So, you’re feeling very miserable, there’s no one there who is supporting you, try to find a group, try to find friends, try to find those ones who are believing in the same way, even if it is once a month, sit with them a little bit. Now it is so easy. Don’t tell me, ‘oh, I’m so far away from you, I don’t know what to do,’ you can just turn on your internet and immediately it’s as if you are in front of us. What is your problem? People fifty years ago, hundred years ago, they don’t have all this.

So connect, Insha’Allah, and be patient. And behave with patience with them, behave with wisdom, don’t fight back and forth, if they oppress you, draw the line, make the Hijra if you can, pray that Allah turns their heart, in time they will. Do not preach to them. Do not try to make Da’wah to them. Who are we? We just came into practicing Islam yesterday and suddenly we think we are a Da’i, you’re going to make Da’wah to them? Please. Don’t be arrogant and don’t be stubborn.

I know people, they’re coming from non-Muslim backgrounds, decent people, decent families, they accept Islam, but they accept Islam through Wahhabi kind of ideas, so now, instead of being nice to the non-Muslim families, to make their heart to soften and to understand Islam, they come back and they say, ‘you’re going to go to Jahannam. You’re going to go to hell. You are wrong, you’re eating this, you’re drinking this, all of you are wrong,’ they start condemning because arrogance has set in. That is coming from sheytan. Allah is trying every way to find a way to forgive us, and He’s saying, ‘if you’re not doing anything wrong and,’ let me not finish that. He’s saying, every night He’s coming to ask us, ‘who is asking Me to forgive him? I’m here.’ He’s trying to find every excuse, but mankind we’re trying to find every excuse just to condemn each other to hell. Wrong. Wrong teachings, wrong book that we are following, wrong Prophets that we are following, there’s no such thing as a wrong Prophet anyway, every Prophet is correct, but wrong ones that are claiming to be prophets that we’re following, wrong Lord that we are serving. May Allah keep us in Siratul Mustaqim, Insha’Allah. Al Fatiha.

stock-vector-vector-vintage-borders-54193183 (2) Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
18 Jamadial Ahir 1438
March 17, 2017

stock-vector-vector-vintage-borders-54193183 (2)

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