Question: What was the happiest moment that you have with Sheykh Effendi, and what was the saddest and emotional moment that you have with Sheykh Effendi?
Just because this is his Urs, we have to go there? I don’t want to. Astaghfirullah. Let me ask you a question (Sheykh ask a murid), what was the happiest day of your life with Sheykh Effendi?
Murid: when I meet Sheykh Effendi
When you met him? That was your happiest day. What was your saddest day?
Murid: when he was veiled.
When he was veiled. Kind of the same with me. Maybe. No, it’s very different my answer. My happiest day was when he was veiled. I was very happy for him. He doesn’t have to deal with betrayers, traitors, slanderers, cheaters, liars, people who make trouble for him, cause so much pain to him physically, spiritually, health wise, in so many ways. People who are harming him, torturing him, with the faces of angels. That was the happiest day. Because his power is unleashed. He is SahibulSaif. That sword is taken out. You want me to take out the sword? I feel very shy to take out, this is not mine. It’s his sword. That was my happiest day, for him. I mean it was very sad for me, but I was very happy for him.
So that was the happiest day and it was also the saddest day. But I’m thinking too, why am I sad? Why am I sad? Because he’s no longer here physically, I’m sad? I was more frightened and scared than sad. I did not allow myself to get sad, really. There’s time enough to get sad later. Because suddenly this weight is put on our shoulder. I’m shy to say it’s on my shoulder. No. All of us, on our shoulder. But I was fearful because I know I cannot carry it. I was fearful because I don’t want to fail and for Sheykh Effendi to be upset with me. I was scared because our Sheykh’s training, the way that he trained me too, he didn’t leave a book for me to follow, he didn’t write letters for me to follow, he didn’t even, so many times, pulled me aside to say, watch this, this, this, so that I know what to do after he passes. All I had to do was to watch, to observe, to understand, then anything that is necessary he has put in our hearts. Now, I had to take it out. I have to use every energy, every understanding, the faith that I have to be able to pull it out. Now I have to hold on to him stronger after he’s passed. Do you understand?
Of course, as a person, of course, I mean we lost our Sheykh, that is the biggest nightmare that anyone can have. That your Sheykh is going to pass before you do. But now I understand that his time has come, his station was raised for his work to be bigger and more important than just a few hundred or a few thousand or even one billion people, if he was in charge of it physically here. His work is much, much, much bigger than that. I understood that now he has been sent to behind the mountain of Qaf, to prepare for the things that he has been telling us that he was preparing us for, preparing this whole world for. So I know his station has been raised. I know the sword is taken out. I know from that time until now, dajjal is going crazier and crazier, sheytan is going crazier and crazier, because they know their time is very limited too. In this five years that has happened since he passed, you did not see this kind of changes, this kind of evil, this kind of confusion in this world, you haven’t seen, in this five years, in all the times that you have live in this world. Correct or not? At least I can speak for myself. It’s like suddenly, the floodgates are open. And sheytan they are very happy thinking now we can do whatever we want, but in reality they are desperate because their time is getting short, because the appearances of that Sahib is going to come. And more we have to sit and we have to continue.
So I was fearful. Because my connection to him also, it is more with the work. I didn’t trust my emotion so much. That’s how it was with me. Because you may have emotions, what if this emotions are taken away? What do you have left? What do you have left? So many people they are claiming they love, but when that is not there, you have nothing to prove that love, correct? So when I look at myself, I distrust my emotions anyway. I say, if you really love him that much then why are you still doing this? Why are you not doing that? I’m not sitting around beating myself up. I’m just saying, now, of course I want him to be pleased with us. Of course on the one hand we have so much more that we have yet to do, so many things we did not complete, but there are certain things that are here since five years, that I’m excited to show him.
One of the things that I’m excited to show him is, I want to show him Ramazan. I was thinking, if I show Sheykh Effendi Ramazan, Sheykh Effendi will be so happy. He’s going to say, ‘ohh, how did you get this one?’ I’ll say, ‘it’s you.’ Sheykh Effendi loves him very much, he spent a long time talking, talking, talking, talking, talking to him. You just have to be patient and wait until he comes. There are so many things too, I can show. I say, this one, this one, this one, this thing we did, this thing we did. Because in this five years also, he has opened so many things for us to do, that being with him for twenty years we have not seen it opened. Nothing to do with us. It has to do with him opening it. The sword is taken out. Do you understand? Because they say when the Evliyaullah they are in this world, it is like a sword inside the sheath. But when they pass from this world, it’s like the sword is taken out, the full power is there.
He has trained us enough. He would be gone for months, sometimes for one year almost, he comes back and then we show him, this, this, this, and he gets really happy. So, I’m getting busy with that a little bit. If anything was missing, he would turn to me first. ‘why is this happening?’ Anything, from kitchen to barn to masjid to zikr. If somebody goes off, he’s going to turn to me like I’m the one who did it, why I’m not making sure this doesn’t happen. So I’m hearing his voice very clearly. Especially when it comes to official things like this, I’m very particular the words that I use, how I sound, where I look, which foot I’m stepping on, which foot I’m getting off, what I’m going to receive, what is necessary, what word to choose, who is here, who is not here, what do they need? Why are you saying this sohbet when this one doesn’t understand? Why are you opening that? Why you don’t know this one is going through something in his life and you are not giving something?
So I’m not hearing his voice when he was alive physically telling me what the wasiat is, I’m hearing it, especially here at the Dergah when I come, very clearly. Not claiming he’s speaking to me like that, like some people. Walking there I say, when is this going to finish? I know if I finish this Sheykh Effendi will be so happy. Things like that. Why are you not sitting down talking to people. Things like that. And this, this is not special for me too. This is for everyone. Why are you not washing this one up? Why are you not throwing that one out? So all these things, Insya’Allah I’m remembering, and I’m doing. As much as I can. I’m very weak. So many times we fail. But we continue and we try. And I’m not taking that as an excuse and say, ‘oh I’m weak, I fail so I’m going to do a bad job.’ No, that’s not how I was raised. That’s not how I look to life. That is not how Sheykh Effendi is training me. Whatever we do, it has to be a hundred percent. As much as we can.
He never ask me any reason. If I offer him any reason, he doesn’t like it, much less an excuse. I can ask anyone here who has been with Sheykh Effendi and me, if they ever hear me trying to give an excuse when Sheykh Effendi says, ‘why is this like this, why is that like that?’ you speak. If people are saying that Hojam you always give reasons for him, you always argue with him, or you always give excuse, say. Somebody else does something, and then I’m blamed and I understand because if I’m supposed to watch over things here little bit when he is gone, then I must know that one is doing it. And I must take precaution, to understand that too. Of course it’s not that easy. So I don’t do that. So no excuse. That’s why, so many times I’m saying, no excuse. You have something, fix it. You know what, I already know what the excuse is, fix the matter first.
Like I said five years ago, when Sheykh Effendi was veiled, I said, now we come to the point where anyone of you who have sat and met him, and if you were to go, you are representing him, and people will hear of Sheykh Effendi, they see his videos or whatever, but once they know, ahh you are a murid, you took beyat with him, you live at the Dergah, they want to go to you more. So you are going to represent him. I’m not saying I’m the only one representing him. So I say, now you have to take your work seriously. Because some of you, you are going to go out. Eventually all of us we are going to travel. We are not going to stay here. At the very least you are going to meet people from the outside, they are going to ask you about SahibulSaif. So now we have to take our work a little bit seriously. And I say now, in order to take that work seriously, I can only speak about my own experience, I can only speak about the knowledge of my own experience and this is my experience. It’s a little bit tough. It’s a little bit unusual. But I’m going to share you my experience and I said, now I’m going to show you what Sheykh Effendi, a little bit has shown me, how he has trained me to be a Hoja.
It wasn’t that easy for people too. It’s testing people’s sincerity, it’s testing people’s love towards me. It wasn’t that easy. Because everyone has their own way of dealing with Sheykh Effendi also. And now I say, ‘look, we have this job, I know your relationship with Sheykh Effendi but we have this job to do. Now I’m going to train you how to do that job.’ ‘Sheykh Effendi never train me that way.’ Yeah, because you did not have that job. Because Sheykh Effendi was here physically. Now we have to have that job. Now I’m going to teach you the way that he taught me. He said I’lll make everyone to be Hojas. And everyone, especially if they are close with Sheykh Effendi, they have to go through a period where things have to be shaken. My intention is clean. Insya’Allah it’s clean, it’s pure. I’m not doing it for any reasons other than to please Sheykh Effendi with this. Now if you can see that sincerity and understand that sincerity, then however way that I show you, whether it’s through easy way or through hard way, then you know that this is necessary. You just have to pass through that phase, that stage. Now you have to make some strong connections to the way that Sheykh Effendi has taught me, how we are going to do things. Understand?
We are not here having a museum Tarikat too. I could have done that, museum Tarikat. So many things have happened. I didn’t have to do that. I could have just make it very easy and just maintain the status quo, same way that when Sheykh Effendi left five years ago, correct? That would be safer. Nobody can accuse me of doing anything new. Just keep everything, same way. But I know it’s not right, and you know it’s not right. And we know that Sheykh Effendi does not want it to be like that. So the principles have to remain the same, the foundation is the same, but now the building has to get better. It’s not changing, it’s getting better. It’s expanding.
Sheykh Effendi didn’t speak too much to me directly for me to say, this is his special advice to me. Everything I wanted was in the sohbet, everything I wanted was how he was dealing with people, situations, and there’s so much. So much there. I learn so much and there’s so much more that I’m yet to share and to give. But everything in its own time, Insya’Allah.
Why do you think I’m wearing this tonight?
It’s not that easy you know to wear. Just wear something nice, simple and easy, it’s much better. Eyes are not on you, you are not so uncomfortable. Why am I wearing this? It was his wedding (Sheykh points to a murid). Sheykh Effendi wore this. And the Urs, it’s a wedding and it is a celebration. When is our urs? When is our wedding celebration, reunion with our Sheykh, when is that? Are we preparing for that? Everything that we’ve been doing for five years, is in preparation for that. And every urs, I’m going to ask myself, am I ready now to commit, that I’ve done everything, am I ready or not? So, this is the reason. Insya’Allah, may it be accepted.
Yes, sometimes I will speak softly, I will speak nicely. Sometimes if it’s necessary I’m going to scream, I’m going to shout. It doesn’t matter, and we see Sheykh Effendi doing the same and I understood the reason. And I don’t do something like that, I’m not that kind of a person to do something like, just like that, without thinking, without being careful. People who know me, they know I don’t behave that way also. But sometimes it doesn’t matter who is in front. If you are in a position to teach, if you are a teacher, you have to teach what is right and what is wrong. If you are a math teacher, it doesn’t matter if your student is your mother or your grandfather. If he makes a mistake, you have to say, ‘this is a mistake.’ I cannot say, because he’s my grandfather, I cannot say he made a mistake. No, you are a teacher, you have to say. This is how Sheykh Effendi is training me. I don’t jump to correct people. I sit and I wait and I pray and I give signs. This is what we see Sheykh Effendi doing. When it comes to the point where nothing else works, then that has to work (Sheykh points to the tongue). That is the limit, that time the person sits back. Do you understand?
So, if there is something I may say, it is just being careful. I’m careful. And once you take precautions, which is farz, once you take the precautions, then that time after you have taken the precautions, whatever you need to do, say ‘BismillahirRahmanirRahim, Ya Allah,’ you just do. You have taken all the precautions already. That time when you execute it you don’t look back at all. That is not the time to doubt, to look back, to ask question. All of that is before. When the time comes, you go. Just like a soldier. Sheykh Effendi was a gazi. We went through some trainings ourselves, me. So we understand, those of you who have gone military training, you’ll understand. If you have gone through military training for a time, you’ll understand that certain things when it happens, you cannot use half of your brain. It has to turn off. Something else has to click in. You cannot even question, correct? You have to turn that off. And something else kicks in, then you can do your work. It is not civilian mentality. You become a soldier, you have to have submission.
So Sheykh Effendi made us to go through all of that. And it make sense now to be in his presence, to continue in his way, then we see, ‘ohh, now I understand why I went through that. Now I understand. Now I understand. Nothing is wasted.’
Alhamdulillah. I think this much is enough. And I don’t wear this often but because it is Sheykh Effendi’s urs I’m wearing this and hoping to get some blessings and for anyone who sees it. Because I cannot really see this although I’m wearing it. You are the ones who’s benefiting. It’s not me. And if anything that we are doing is reminding you of Sheykh Effendi, there’s a blessing to you and there’s a blessing to me. May we be clear and may we be straight. May we have honor and may our nose never be down but always be up for Haqq. Insya’Allah. Fatiha. Amin
Why I was wearing a wolf? That’s another thing, for the wedding. Many people are saying so many weird things. People are saying, all these clothes that we made, that I actually made for Sheykh Effendi, that he liked and he was wearing it, people are saying, ‘oh now he’s taking all the money of the Dergah and making clothes for himself.’ They used to say that of Sheykh Effendi too. They used to be very jealous, they used to be jealous of Sheykh Effendi even drinking water. So you think they are not going to be jealous and saying slandering things about me? Of course they are going to be. There’s some meaning there, that we are wearing wolf. We haven’t worn dragon yet. When the time comes Insya’Allah. This much is enough. Fatiha. SelamAleykum Warahmatullahi wabarakatu.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
OSMANLI DERGAHI- New York
7 Shawwal 1438
July 1, 2017