How should a woman not have wrong attachments?

BismillahirRahmanirRahim

Question: It is always mentioned that when They (as) were separated, Hz. Havva was crying for Hz. Adem (as), and He (as) was crying for Allah (swt). What is the lesson in this for a woman? How should a woman approach her husband without having wrong attachments? What is the proper way, according to Allah (swt)’s will, according to our Sheykh? 

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BismillahirRahmanirRahim. The lesson in this, a husband and a wife, in Islam, look to see how the wives of the Prophet (AS) they were. Not only one, look at all of the rest of the wives also that he had. Oh, wives. Just that word is enough to show where your level of faith is, for the women of this age.

Look at the wife of Hz Abu Bakr as-Siddiq, look at the wife of Hz Umar. Wives. Look at how they are. Okay? Now, there is this thing in Islam that is called Wali. That one is your guardian. That one is responsible for you. You are not so responsible. The responsibility of a husband, it is great. He is going to be questioned for everything, dunya and Ahiret, about his wife and about his children. The responsibility of the wife, it is towards the husband and towards the children. Allah SWT is going ask, on the Day of Judgment, not even to the woman, He is going to ask to the Wali, to the husband, not father, if she’s married, if not, the brother, going to ask ‘are you pleased with her? And if the man says ‘yes, I am,’ and he will speak the truth. He is not going to say ‘yes I am’ or ‘I am not’ according to his ego. That time, no ego is going to speak, only the truth is going to speak. And the pleasure that you are going to get, it is very simple for the woman to perform.

The blessings that, for example, the wife gets from just bringing one glass of water to the husband when he comes back, it is as if she has gone to the Hajj and come back. Just for one glass. Imagine if she does everything else. Imagine this. The man is going to say ‘yes, I am pleased with her,’ Allah will not even address the woman, He is going to say to the Angels ‘take her and bring her straight to Paradise. No question, no nothing. Straight to Paradise, through any door that she likes.’ For the man, you have to sit and you have to wait, and you are going to be questioned for everything. We are going to be questioned for everything.

Women are running to become, what? They are not running for their own identity. People have lost their identity. People have lost because of this arrogance and this jealousy, thinking that honor is something else, honor is not what Allah has given you. That time, you are judging Allah. You are saying to Allah, again, ‘You have made a mistake.’ The honor, man, we need Tarikat to understand what is suffering, what is struggling against to our ego, what is fighting against to our nafs, what our desires want. We need Tarikat. Women, it’s not so necessary. Why is that? Because, in their nature, Allah had created what they are going to go through in their life more than what the men are going to go through in Tarikat. They don’t really need it. Just to go through the pregnancy, and the pain and the suffering, to have a life that is inside of you, and understanding, now, from a very deep level, you submit. You submit, correct or no? You can control it? No. You submit, you understand ‘if my body, I cannot control my body, what about anything else? Ya Rabbi, ah, how Great You are. How weak I am.’ It’s given to every woman. Muslim or non-Muslim. Then the pain that they are going through, this is not for them. This is for someone else. They are not going through that pain for their own benefit too. It is literally for someone else.

The childbirth that she goes through, that’s why the Evliyaullah they are saying, woman is going through the childbirth, she has reached the station of sainthood. In that station, if she passes, she goes straight to Paradise. She is a Shahid. The pain that she goes through, understanding, that pain it is again, not for herself, she has no benefit to get from it, it is literally for another life. And that pain, after that, immediately turns to love. And this is not just the baby comes out, so much pain, if it is a man going through that pain, baby comes out, you are going to kill it. You say ‘you caused me this pain? I’m going to chop your head off.’ But the woman, seeing that, all covered in… like that, man is saying ‘eh, this is a baby? So ugly!’ Woman is saying ‘ohh, it’s so cute!’

You understand, now, that their nature it is not man’s nature. We need to go through so much training. Women don’t need to, because it is there. Of course, if you go through your life and then you take certain things from Tarikat, then it’s completely different. But Allah is fair. Allah is Just. And that pain and that love, it didn’t stop there, just after that and then it’s done. It continues. Because the feeling of that mother never stops. The pain that she feels for the son or the daughter and the love that she feels, it never stops. Correct or no? Until she dies or until the child dies. Forever. Now, how are men going to understand that? Allah is fair, too. Allah is saying ‘you have to, now. You have to, now, when you start stepping on your ego, soften it, soften your heart.’ Women, after a certain station, certain age, their heart, now, will start to also balance a little bit more.

So, we have to understand, Allah SWT is Merciful and Allah SWT is Just. We are created to be servants. Allah SWT is not in need of our service, but He has created Creation and He says ‘in order for you to serve Me, serve the ones that I have created, serve the ones that I love.’ So once you start serving the ones that you love, you are serving to Allah SWT. So now, you are going to submit, wives are going to submit to the husbands, and in that submission, that love it has to be there, but it has to be for the sake of Allah SWT. It is not for the sake of your ego.

May Allah make us to submit to the right ones, the proper ones, insyaAllah ar-Rahman. May Allah make us to submit to those ones who represent him, so that our submission will be pure and ready to be presented to the Divine Presence. Wa minallahu taufiq, Al Fatiha.

Now, the husbands, submit, it’s okay. Now they are going to say ‘what about the men?’ The men, they have to submit to their Sheykh. Fair? That’s how it’s supposed to be. Sahabi e-Kiram, they submit to the Prophet (AS). Don’t worry, there’s enough to go around for everyone. Don’t get jealous. Selam Aleykum. This much is enough, insyaAllah. Al Fatiha.

stock-vector-vector-vintage-borders-54193183 (2)Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz  
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
Osmanli Dergahi New York
10 Rabiulawwal, 1440
17 November, 2018stock-vector-vector-vintage-borders-54193183 (2)

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