What is in giving selams first that will make people love you?


Question: What is in giving selams first that will make people to love you as said in a Hadiths-e-Sherif?

That is cheerfulness. Cheerfulness. And cheerfulness, Hz Ali and the Holy Prophet (AS) are praising it so much. The cheerfulness, cheerfulness in friends. You know what cheerful means? A simple word, to say to be happy, but cheerful doesn’t mean to be happy, it’s showing nice happiness. Smiling. Your life may be miserable but you are just showing that, cheerful. And it is with the intention, when you’re cheerful like that, someone who looks at you they will also be cheerful. You understand?


The meaning of that is, because especially for us in the Ahir Zaman, everyone, everyone is depressed. With everything that you have you are depressed. Spoiled. Not understanding the value. Little thing they say, ‘you have a mental illness.’ It’s like saying, if I’m hungry then I have a physical defect. Of course we all are mentally ill, of course we all are. You understand? But not to say that now because of that mental illness a little bit now you have to take this kind if medicine, now you have to do this, do this, no, it is first understanding, ‘what did I do to get sick?’ This is another thing, only now they are trying to find out, ‘oh, you do this you get sick, you do this you get sick,’ but the main focus, especially of medicine, western medicine, let us say, it’s not about how you get sick but how to cure it, how to cure the sickness. But Tarikat is saying not only how to cure but how did you get sick, understand how you got sick in the first place. You understand?

So everyone now is, with everything, they are very moody, they are very anxious, they are not happy, you know when people here they are happy, only if something touches their ego then they are happy, then they get moody again. Because everything is for fun, everything is for entertainment. Everything is for fun, they say, ‘oh, you learn the most important thing is to have fun.’ Then we think this is normal. We think this is how it is, we think the whole world is like this, then you travel, you go around, eh? These people they are not having fun, their lives are not fun, but they are happy. Allah, Allah. These people they are miserable, they have nothing, but they are happy. It’s not fun, but they are happy. Why are we having fun twenty four hours and we are so depressed? You understand? Because now you don’t know how to control this, you don’t know how to control the ego that says, ‘no, I want more, this is not enough.’ Once you can control that, then your spirit, your spirit is always in a state of shukr, your spirit when it sees something small it’s knowing and it’s understanding, small or big, it is coming from Allah, shukr ya Rabbi. Ego never remembers Allah in anything it does. Never. So that will bring depression. Especially now, people they are not cheerful.

It used to be, men they are not cheerful, now women they are not cheerful. You look at their faces, I want to throw up. I’m looking at, Sheykh Effendi says, look at the elderly people, you see the nenes they are so bright, they have horrible, hard lives but their faces are bright and they are always smiling, they’re always fussing over you, not over themselves, over you. Their faces are bright, they are smiling. Once upon a time we have someone, face is like this, angry, a nene also, face like this every time, like this looking at Sheykh Effendi like this, then Sheykh Effendi says, ‘why are you not smiling? Why are you not happy? You are upset, you are angry?’ ‘I’m happy, inside!’ she’s saying. Allah Allah. That’s how it is, breh, like I said, again, even the song says what? ‘If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.’ It didn’t say, ‘if you’re happy and you know it, go and smack someone,’ it didn’t say, ‘if you’re happy and you know it, show your teeth,’ it says, ‘if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.’ Show something. Who does that? Kids. In the state of masoom they do that. That is why it is important to be with them. That’s why it is important to be with kids and important to be with elderly people. Two. You cannot put your kids away and you cannot put the elderly away, you must have them, it brings you back to reality. You have to be cheerful. You don’t feel like it- be cheerful. And you’re giving the salams of what? The salams of Allah. Allah is the Creator of salams, of that peace, Allah is the Creator of cheerfulness, Allah will take that away through ways that you may not know.

The bigger reward is always to the one who first does it. So it is important, from that you open the door now. From the salams to knowing that person, knowing something, so many of you you don’t even know each others names, where you live, what you do. Then from knowing that person you start having some responsibility over that person, you start caring for that person. And then, maybe, you will reach to the level of love. Don’t just jump into love, love is not sitting down, having a cup of tea and laughing and joking, that’s not. Love, you must know a little bit, you must care, you must help. InsyaAllah, but we have so many things we have to unlearn, unlearn. Jamaat, to unlearn. Because a lot of times when you grow up alone, when you grow up without any friends, when your friends is just to go to school and back, it’s not real friendship, when your only friends are your siblings and everyone is growing up anyway, there’s no way to learn, there’s nothing, parents are busy working, they’re not raising you, when you’re growing up and your only sense of contentment, achievement, fulfillment, your sense of like you are valuable is when you buy something or you eat something or when you laugh at something, you grow up to be the most unhappy, brittle, very easily broken person.

But when you grow up in a big community, different kinds of people, different kinds of stations they may have and the leaders and the parents they are interested in raising the children to become good people, not raising them to go to school to become president but raising them to become good people that Allah and His Prophet loves, then that time first thing you’re going to take care of is their edep and their akhlak. It’s not whether they go to this school or they go to that school, edep and akhlak. When you do that, even if in their group half they are not doing so good, the other half is going to carry. Forget about half, even if most are not doing so good, a few can carry, if those ones are good. It’s always like that. InsyaAllah ar Rahman, wa minallahu taufiq, may Allah forgive me and bless you, al Fatiha.

stock-vector-vector-vintage-borders-54193183 (2)Shaykh Lokman Efendi Hz
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
Osmanli Dergah, New York

8 Jamada al-Awwal 1441
January 3, 2020
stock-vector-vector-vintage-borders-54193183 (2)

This entry was posted in Questions and Answers, Sheykh Lokman Effendi (2019). Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s