Question: Are we supposed to consult our Sheykh for everything?
Consultation with a Sheykh, it is different for different people. It is different for young and old, it is different for someone who has just begun and someone who has been there for some time and it is different for people who can catch it right away, they look and they observe and they say, ‘ah, okay,’ and they understand the reason, the principle behind certain things, not just, ‘because Sheykh used to drink like this, act like this, talk like this,’ and they’re just trying to copy, you understand?
Meaning those ones they are not waiting for a situation to consult, they don’t fall into a situation and then they want to ask. They observe their Sheykh, they come to a gathering filled with queries and questions, and trying to understand so many things and trying very hard to open up their antennas in the sohbet to understand, to answer the questions that they come with, they don’t come empty like that, they’re trying to understand and trying to pick out the answers. Taking from that, applying it into their lives, and for the rest of the week trying to understand, ‘the teachings of my Sheykh is like this, it’s coming through here, is this like this? Is it like this?’ very active. Then that time another set of intelligence is going to work, he’s going to think, ‘okay, even with dealing with things I’ve been dealing with for twenty years, lets try a different way, because he also said it like this.’ There’s always experimentation, push and pull, questioning, trying to do things. It’s always very active, it’s not a, ‘I come here, I listen, and then after that I just relax and go to my own private world as I did, no changes.’ Especially when it deals with this ego.
So for those ones, in reality they are always in consultation, in reality they are always asking for medet because they are not trusting themselves, they say, ‘let’s try this thing, let’s try a new thing, what do I think this is? Sheykh, what did he mention before, did he mention something like this? Maybe I can take this principle, although he didn’t mention…’ it’s always so active, you understand? That’s not for everyone too, because a lot of people they are lazy. They’re lazy, they just want to say, ‘ah, give me, then that’s it, I leave,’ then finished, ‘ah, give me more.’ Then they can’t really build up. When it comes to asking for medet, let me tell you what our Sheykh said, he says, ‘I don’t even open a door without asking medet from my Sheykh.’ Now, saying medet is not just by the tongue, it is by the heart. If you are connected with your Sheykh, if you are connected with the Prophet and with Allah because your Sheykh is making you to be in that direction, your Sheykh is a qibla, in that direction, then you are asking Allah. And the times you don’t ask Allah, you’re not putting Him into your daily thoughts and actions, you feel very guilty, you feel that, ‘I’ve forgotten my shahadat. Why am I forgetting my Allah? He never forgets me, Allah never forgets me yet I am forgetting Allah.’
So now when you’re saying medet, when you’re in close connection with your Sheykh now, you don’t have to say, sitting down, ‘medet,’ standing up, ‘medet,’ you may say to start with, to begin, to get it working, but after that it becomes something that is natural, you are in connection with your Sheykh. That comes at a very high price too, because you have to cut this part of you that says, ‘I exist,’ cut this part, ‘I exist,’ cut this part, ‘I exist,’ you have to cut it all up and then you have to put the existence of something else there. You understand? Because the Prophet (AS) is the distributor, he is the one who distributes, taking from Allah and distributes to the world, he is the one. And the Evliya Allah and your Sheykh has the same role and the same function, but people just don’t understand, they don’t realize, this is not something we push also, because if people get it, they get it, and then if you get it, ‘ah,’ then there’s more, there’s more, we’re going to tell you, more we’re going to tell you. Then that time, you will understand then, ‘if this is my Sheykh what about the Prophet (AS)? If this is the Prophet (AS) what about my Allah? Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.’ That time when you say that, you are floored.
So you ask, now if you need help you ask, especially at a new situation you ask. It’s okay. And if you’re under training, ask, until the Sheykh says, ‘now I’ve told you three times how to do this, don’t ask me again.’ For us we don’t say after three times, we say after maybe three hundred times we say, ‘don’t ask me the same thing. Now you already know, now you must do the good thing, the right thing. Why, how come you don’t know? Isn’t this something that we’ve talked about for years?’ Three things of course it is obligation for you to ask the Sheykh, when you’re traveling, when you’re getting married and when you’re getting a divorce, that by tongue you have to consult. Other than that, it’s according to your spiritual value also. And when you are for example traveling with the Sheykh, doing things with the Sheykh, either traveling or fixing something or going up to the dergah, then if you don’t have too much experience you have to watch very carefully and that time you have to consult very carefully and you have to do exactly. One, two, three times, then that time he says, ‘now don’t even look at me, you know already, I’ve taught you, now go and do,’ and that time if you want to change it up a little bit, to add things, to do this, to do that, he says, ‘you have to, I’m giving you just the basic principle, now work on it.’
So that’s how it is. InsyaAllah ar Rahman. Understand we are working within a jamaat also, you may find it difficult to ask the Sheykh, but there are always people, your brothers and your sisters around you that you can ask. This is the problem with people also, problem with Murids. ‘Oh, I love my Sheykh, I just hate everyone. I get along fine with my Sheykh, I don’t get along with anyone.’ SubhanAllah, really? A hundred people, you cannot even find one friend? One friend, one person that you can trust? Then it’s your problem, the problem is you, the problem is not everyone. As Hz Ali (KW) is saying, ‘don’t look to the fault of your friends, if you do that you will have no friends.’ So, if you love the Sheykh so much but the Sheykh is keeping everyone, then why aren’t you doing the same thing? Men and women. Especially women, I don’t understand, Allah has given you more capacity to love and to forgive and to have more understanding and tolerance and a bigger threshold for pain, that you are with children, you have them inside of you with pain and you give them out with pain and you raise them with pain, yet you don’t hate them, you love them. But few use those principles for everyone else. Very few use those principles to say, ‘this one is an idiot, this one is bad to me, but in reality this is just a child. I’m not going to look at their hurt or their wrong things as if he is a sheytan or she is a sheytan, it’s just a child. They do wrong, I forgive them. They can’t do to much harm, damage to me, I will not let it.’
Which is why in the old days Tarikats they are not really open to women, Tarikat is for men, men have to learn how to forgive, men have to learn how to tolerate, men have to learn how to have mercy, men have to learn how to serve. Women they have that all their lives, their whole life is that. That’s why when Islam is saying the spirituality of women it’s not so important for them to do so many things, it’s already high, it’s not just lip service, it’s true. But they fooled everyone too, to say, ‘no, no, no, whatever men are doing, you have to do also.’ It doesn’t mean you become better. So, very easy for them, women, to go to higher stations, very easy for them to fall, slip of the tongue, they fall. Wrong word, they fall. For men, for the most part, difficult for them, slowly, slowly, slowly they’re rising, they don’t fall immediately like that. Of course in these days men have become like women also, speaking whenever they want to speak, and then later say, ‘oh, I’m sorry.’ Why are you sorry? Damage is already done, you think it’s so easy, did you clean up the mess?
May Allah make us come back to our own realities insyaAllah, may Allah forgive us, may Allah give us more intelligence, may Allah make us to understand and may Allah make us to be with our Sheykh dunya and ahirat, wa Minallahu taufiq, al fatiha. Amin.
Shaykh Lokman Efendi Hz
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
Osmanli Dergah, Passaic
6 Jamada al-Ahir 1441
January 31, 2020