How can we stop being a zalim to ourselves and others?
Don’t get angry. You cannot get angry. Sheytan had said, ‘I play with a man’s anger as a little child is playing with a ball.’
So now those who are in Tarikat, you have to sit down, first, you may be right, but with the anger you become wrong. So not to look at you are right and then to use that one thousand percent, but to say that, okay, ‘I’m right, but I’m overreacting. This is too much.’ The tyrant becomes like that. You must have the power to be able to do that when it is happening. Not after it’s happening, it’s so easy for people to realize after. But when it is happening your connection with your Sheykh is important, the fear that you must have from him is important. To say, ‘okay, this person really needs this, but oh, what is my Sheykh going to say? What is he going to think?’ That should be enough fear for you to say, ‘okay, I will pull back.’ Once you pull back little bit, the anger is going to come down. This is one of the meanings that the Prophet (AS) is saying, ‘if you are angry and you are standing, sit down.’ Do something that is going to cool you down, do something, don’t remain like that, do something. If it’s not working, do something else, do something else, do something else. Even if you have to lie down, do that.
Most people they think that their anger is justified, ‘I’m right so I can do this. Am I right or am I right? I’m right, so I can do this.’ But we’re in Tarikat, we’re Muslims. And Allah, even with justice, He is not exceeding, even with justice He is not passing His limits, because Allah says, ‘I have made tyranny to be forbidden to Me.’ That even with justice Allah is saying, ‘but if you forgive, it is better.’ Forgiving doesn’t mean that you think that you are wrong, the other person is right, for instance. Forgiving is understanding that that wrong thing is done, and I’m not going to take action right now, something is going to happen to fix the matter, either through me or through someones hands. Either dunya or ahiret, something is going to happen to fix it. It will be fixed. But I cannot fix it. You have to remember that.
To have control over that is very important, because it hits and, especially between husbands and wives. You are close to each other that’s why it’s half of your religion. Because you can complete each others religion. And you know how to poke each other, but don’t fall into that game, especially living like this, don’t fall into it. And you have to understand, after you cool down, why this happened. Don’t just say, ‘oh, it happened, estaghfirullah, estaghfirullah, it happened, it shouldn’t happen, oh what a bad person I am,’ no. Say, ‘how did it happen,’ walk through it, ‘what actually happened? This happened, I was doing this, this word was said, and I say this word and then it became like this, it became like this, it became like this.’ You walk back carefully and you see, ‘ah, if I didn’t say this word this is not going to happen, if that one didn’t say this word this is not going to happen. Maybe that one said that word, but if I’d said this word, this is not going to happen.’
You have to walk back and you have to think. That is only the first step. And then after that you say, ‘why is this, why am I getting upset? In this time why am I getting upset? Because sometimes those things happen in different times and I’m not upset. In different days, I’m not upset. It doesn’t bother me. Why does it bother me, what is there? Is there a deeper reason that I’m doing it, because I’m still upset over something that has happened one year ago and I’m keeping it and when one door opens a little bit, aha, I jump in and I want to destroy everything. Is it because I just don’t get enough sleep and I’m so tired and I’m just using that, and also to take revenge?’ This is going deep, you have to dig.
It is not to say that I’m right, it is to to see where I’m wrong and I can be better, not to say where I’m right, and not only to say, ‘I’m wrong, I’m wrong, I’m wrong,’ but you don’t know. If a man makes an accident, may Allah protect us, but if he makes an accident, oh he’s wrong, it is not enough. He has to know why he did it. ‘I’m going by this road and I hit a deer. Estaghfirullah.’ You know that in dunya it is not good enough. Second time you go through that road you’re going to be ten times more careful right? This is our nature. Oh, wait, wait, wait, this happened. Roads like that you’re going to see, signs you’re going to see, other things you’re going to see, you’re not going to be so in ghaflat. You walk down that road hundreds of times and you always hit that deer. What is making us to go crazy, to go blind like that? Because our ego likes it. Our ego likes it. Don’t, because the ego is there to fool you. It will take something good and turn it into something evil, and it’s not going to stop until it’s destroyed everything.
So that is where the power comes from, that is the power. You are angry like that, it’s not jalal, you’re using your ego it’s not jalal, it takes away faith. All your worship, all your zikr, all your good things it starts draining it out, it becomes very weak, light is taken away from you. You have to build up, long time maybe it takes, to build that up again. And what do you gain, really when you look at it, what do you gain? You don’t gain anything. You feel good at that time but then you regret. And it’s not too good.
May Allah give us more power to fight against our nafs. May Allah give us more fear of our Sheykh and of the Holy ones, to prevent us from being with our ego. May Allah not make us to become weak ones InsyaAllah, may Allah surround us with strong ones. Al-fatiha. Amin. Selam aleykum. This much is enough insyaAllah ar Rahman.
Sheykh Lokman Efendi Hz
Khalifah of SahibulSaif Shaykh Abdulkerim el Kibrisi (qs),
Osmanli Dergah, New York
17 Shaban 1441
April 10, 2020